Saturday, March 20, 2010

Getting defensive and getting Judah to sleep

My mom would always quickly rush to my brother's defense in almost every situation that she felt he was being criticized by me. In my immaturity I would usually throw out some comment like "he's your favorite" or "Josh doesn't ever do anything wrong" or ridiculous things like that. To be honest, I was mostly kidding, but there were a few hidden truths to those statements in my mind. Probably because I did plenty of things wrong and felt like I was in trouble more than not! oops! Sorry mom and dad! :)

But I'm entering into this whole new world of having 2 kids and it is bringing out all of these things in me that I didn't even know existed. Judah and Eli are completely different. Eli didn't mind his car seat, Judah hates it. Eli would fall asleep eating, Judah has to be put to sleep *more on that in a minute*. Eli had to have his diaper changed every 5 seconds it seemed like, Judah can handle much longer than that. Eli hated to be on his tummy, Judah almost exclusively sleeps on his. Eli was hardly ever burped and never spit up, Judah spits up all the time. The list truly can go on and on, but the biggest difference is that Eli did not cry much as a baby and Judah does.

Please hear me. Judah cries when he is tired, hungry, or needs to burp (which is frequent), but I know several friends who had babies that their crying almost seemed nonstop. I'm not trying to put myself in their category because I know their stress level in that area was much higher than mine and I don't want to make it seem like Judah never stops crying, but compared to Eli, he does cry much more.

With that said, Judah is darling. I'm getting all teary eyed just thinking about this. He is so strong, so advanced in so many areas, and completely beautiful. Babies cry. Judah cries. And when people make comments about Judah crying I get all defensive and it makes me want to scratch their eyes out. That's not a healthy response (the scratch their eyes out thing anyway) but I totally do get so defensive when it's brought up, especially in comparison to Eli. No one is meaning any harm by it. No one is judging my baby. They are just merely making an out loud observation. I get that. I do...on the surface anyway. But within me, I just want to scream that there is nothing wrong with him and babies cry!

That whole Mama Bear thing is for real y'all! And I need to reign that in a bit! :) So, just as some therapy for me, I am admitting that yes Judah does cry more than Eli did. Yes, it can be more stressful to be around than Eli was at this age. And knowing that I have no control over what people say (and being very aware that they are not meaning it in any kind of hurtful way) I just need to have better control over the reaction it brings out in me.

So I get it mom. Thanks for defending Josh when I was being a bratty sister. He deserves it. :)

As I mentioned earlier, Judah has to be put to sleep. We have a variety of things we go through and one of them will eventually work.

We do the walk about: which is just holding him in a cradle position and walk kind of fast all over the house never making eye contact with him. haha...

We do the rocking chair: which is trying every position possible while rocking and trying to get him from squirming out of our arms.

We do the basketball drills: which is putting him on his tummy and patting his back hundreds of times (literally) until he is finally dead asleep

And on many occasions we do all 3! Most of the time we just have to do one for a couple of minutes and then he is out. Easy breezy. Most of the time...

Well yesterday afternoon he was being all squirmy and rubbing his eyes and he was completely exhausted. I tried my gamete of tricks and nothing was working. I really didn't know what to do. My giant 3 month old is getting super heavy and I couldn't walk him around anymore, rocking wasn't working, bouncing him wasn't working so I just let him lay in his crib and cry. Gasp!

I walked out of the room, opened my computer, went to Dr. Sears' website (that I adore!)  , checked the clock, and started reading all of their articles on sleeping. I told myself I was going to let him cry for 5 minutes. My heart was racing. I hated every single second of those 5 minutes. I read the articles, calmed down, told myself he was fine, and let the 5 minutes pass.

After time was up, I went back in there, picked up my angel with a renewed sense of determination, walked around with him for like 1 minute and he was out. Whew!

I have no judgement towards parents that let their babies "cry it out" in bed. I just am not one of them. I think it might do more damage to my psyche than the baby's but I still just can't do it. Those 5 minutes were good for me to see that Judah was still fine (although upset) and that sometimes I might just need to refresh with a nice little article sometimes and then go back to parenting my baby to sleep.

And... I am almost positive he's teething. He chews on everything nonstop. He's drooling more than he is spitting up (is that even possible??) and I can see a little white speck at the front of his bottom gum. Why is he trying to grow up so fast? :)

I asked, and continue to ask, God to refine me. To teach me discipline. To give me patience. To learn to love like He does. I feel like He uses many moments with me trying to get Judah to sleep to do those things. I love that. I love that instead of using something else, I am being refined by such a sweet and fantastically wonderful baby.

And on a completely random note, does anyone know what plant this is? Sorry it's kind of fuzzy but I was driving by this house and took a picture. I felt like a huge creeper so I didn't get out of the car to take the pic but I really would love to know what this is. :)


April said...

I think that plant is an azalea!

Anonymous said...

The plant is a plum delight. It blooms for a short time in the spring. It has a reddish purple leaf & is easy! It's a nice pop in a bed with the usual green shrubs.

Is Judah on formula? My 2nd was much fussier than my first & I was advised to switch him to Soy formula. It definitely helped! I think he just had a hard time tolerating the protein in regular formula.

Amanda said...

A plum delight! Love that! I might need to get one of those next year!!

Judah is breastfed. He goes to sleep really easily during naps (most of the time) but at the end of the day it takes him awhile! He used to be SUPER gassy when he was a newborn and was really fussy. Now he is so much happier which was a huge relief to us! :)

Jennifer said...

I feel for you on the sleep thing. EmmyKate was and still is a terrible sleeper. I finally had to do the "cry it out" method with her and it did work. I have already started doing it on Easton, though it is much harder. I was hoping for an easy sleep baby this time, but I guess I didn't luck out.

Oh, and a question. What did you take to keep up your milk supply with Eli when you went back to work? I remember that you had trouble with it.

The Mellberg Family said...

Amanda, I'm in the same boat you are in. Dusty is gone most of the time and I work and am raising the 2 kiddos by myself. I just wanted to tell you you're doing a fabulous job with them and you're a wonderful mom. I know it feels good to hear that.

Every kid is different, just wait until they are 2 and 4. The differences will become more apparent. Patience will be needed much more then especially when they are already fighting with each other.

Anyway, you're a great mom. I know how hard it is for you right now and you're doing an amazingly good job.

Stacey said...

Hey! I am a little behind on my blog and on reading other blogs...but I read this one of yours tonight and it sounds so much like my little Jack! He is an amazing baby and I love him to pieces but he cries a lot too and has trouble sleeping (only during the day). I am super defensive when anyone says anything about it too! He was also super gassy early on but THANKFULLY has overcome that! It is nice to know that someone else knows exactly what I am going through!

Yomaida said...

Okay so I am a huge Sears Method mommy. I don't think we EVER let him cry it out tho. He now goes to bed just fine no crying, no fussing. Granted he's two but, all mommies and parenting styles are different. You are doing a great job!

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