A day of frustration

Today was one of those days where everything I tried with Eli failed. We're at camp with Wes and so of course Eli's sleeping patterns are who knows where and he is pushing every possible limit. Eli really needed to take his 11:00 or 12:00 nap... and the time was about 2:30. He was out of control. Crying, screaming, nose running, tears flowing... the works. Finally he laid down by me and I thought we were going to have a breakthrough! Then he decides to stick his fingers down his throat over and over again and made himself throw up... all over him... all over the sheets... and all over my shoulder... awesome. I was so mad. I didn't know what to do. I got him up, cleaned us off, he starts crying. Again.

I keep thinking, who is this child?? My child isn't like this! He takes his naps. He hardly ever cries. He barely screams. Who are you?? Oh. Wait. You're an 18 month old who woke up at 6:00 am and haven't had a nap all day. Ohhh... that's who you are.

Wes gets back, we load Eli in the car and before we're off the campus he is asleep. sigh...

After the nap he was a whole new person! Still not completely back to his charming little self but much better. We went to the beginning of the evening service, he rocked out on the drums (thanks Jason!), and flirted with basically everyone and then it was time to get him to bed. 

As soon as we pulled up to the apartment I hear a train. I thought, YES! This will be so fun! I hurried and yanked him out of the car, sat on the curb, and watched my beautiful son's eyes light up as the train went by. My eyes filled with tears. All of the annoyance, the frustration, the impatience that I had been feeling all day just melted away. God, thank you. Thank you so much for my son. 

We came inside, got our pjs on, played around a little, turned off the lights, and I laid down on the mattress. I told myself I didn't care what he did, in a good way. When he was ready, he could lay down and go to sleep. What did Eli do? He came right in, laid down, and went to sleep. I love him so much.

And, I'm 17 weeks pregnant today! I'm definitely feeling those sweet little baby flutters! No name ideas yet, no guesses as to what I'm having... but lots of love for this little bundle growing! We have our next appointment on July 8 where we'll have our sonogram and find out what sex our baby is! I cannot wait!

A few more Eli words

I wish I had remembered more words to ask him!! But I think you'll enjoy these!!

Pregnancy: Round 2

This pregnancy has been very similar to my pregnancy with Eli, but also really different. I don't know how to explain it in words, but here goes... 

With Eli, (by the way I'm a little over 13 weeks right now... I should probably get one of those ticker things) by this point I'd gained like 8 or 9 pounds. I never looked at the scale with him after the first trimester. I just didn't want to know. And I never knew how much I had gained until my doctor's appointment with this pregnancy. A different doctor was filling in for my doctor and ended up telling me that I gained around 50 pounds!!!! what?!?! ... see... that's why I didn't want to know. 

I lost all but 4 of those pounds.

This time, I've only gained between 1 pound and 1.5 pounds. I'm eating plenty and all of that, but that's a huge difference to me than the last time.

With Eli I was never sick just really tired. This time I haven't been sick but I can't stand anything that smells, even if it smells good. I just don't want to smell anything ever. Food used to taste a lot like cardboard with this pregnancy, but now it tastes good again. I've been really really tired with this baby also. But I just feel different somehow. I really don't know why or how exactly, I just do.

So my next appointment is June 11 and then I go for my next sono (where we can find out the sex) on July 8!!! SO exciting! We don't care what we have; we just want a healthy baby! It's already determined anyway!

I refuse to let 2 months go by!

I know... I'm terrible. Truly. But thank you for not forgetting me!! So, I'm not updating much right now. Truly there isn't much to say. But I wanted to share Eli's newest trick! Love you guys!

happy happy

Ok! Today I'm being much happier. Did you know if you make yourself smile, it can trick your mind into releasing serotonin that makes you feel happier? So... smiling I can do! ...the hair... not so much... Not fake. Don't worry... I'm really truly feeling happier today. Still achy, still tired, but much better. Thank you for your words of encouragement! 

So, you know how I'm starting a new website (I just had to retype that word 3 times because I kept typing wesbite... hmm...)? Well, I haven't been able to work on it too much yet, but I DID get a Canon 40D which just happens to be one of the most incredible cameras EVER! I'm learning how to use it and how to edit pictures... slowly... but I'm so excited about it! I'm not becoming a professional photographer so when my site gets something on it, keep that in mind. But I'm hoping that by the end of the summer I'll have enough stuff on there to share it with everyone and people can start using it! yay!

At work we have to give out awards to our top students in our classes. If you teach 100 kids or less, which I do, you can only choose 3 people to give an award to. ugghh... I hate choosing! There are always way more than 3 people who deserve the award. And then after the ceremony, the other kids in your class will hear who got the award and I'm sure some of them feel kind of strange as to why they didn't get chosen. Honestly I'm sure it's much more of an emotional strain on me than them, but I just would never want any of them to feel any like I didn't want to give them an award. I'm really not playing into that whole mindset of "everyone's a winner!" but there truly are A LOT of my students who work really hard that deserve to be recognized publicly. hmm... I love those kids.

feelings

Y'all.

This pregnancy is different. This pregnancy...

Well, I feel really achy pretty much all the time. In fact, there were two days when I felt totally ok and took another pregnancy test to make sure I was still pregnant. 

I feel like I am not being the best mom or wife right now. I'm always a little tired. I'm always a little achy. I feel like there isn't enough of me to go around. 

Today I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. Today I'm feeling like, how can I ever do this with two kids? 

After Eli was born I definitely had postpartum depression. God please rescue me from that again. What if I have that again? But this time I'll already have a child who needs his mom to be the best she can be? 

I think I just feel really really tired, which makes me feel really really overwhelmed. I wish I would blog more, it helps my mind get some sort of structure but friends I have just been so tired. 

I miss you guys. :)

Eli's word list

Sorry for the lack of blogging... this pregnancy is tiring!!!

Here's where we're at:

momma

dada

ooce (juice)

eeoy (Ebony)

nana (banana)

ball

dah (dog)

down

up

bye bye

hehoh (hello)

hi

gigi

mo (more)

no

psss (please... which is a rare word)

buh (book)

oyeessis (opposites... which is his FAVORITE book that we read 50 times a day, it's called God loves opposites)

ba (bath)

tiss (this)

dang... I thought there were two more that I counted but I can't remember them! 

His latest thing is taking his own diapers to the trash. It is awesome!! This child understands pretty much everything you say. kind of scary...