Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Today my heart sank. I saw a really small amount of brown spotting today. I know all the different things...implantation bleeding, maybe just a busted little blood vessel or something...but still. Anything can happen at this stage. I know that. I just don't want to constantly be consumed with that fear. I believe that God truly is all powerful. I believe that God truly is perfect. Don't I? I mean, do I truly believe that if I'm being so afraid of the "m" word?
You know, I have known several women who have had miscarriages. It was so sad for all of them, but I see them now and they are ok. They really are OK. So, I know that if that happens, God still holds me and loves me and makes things heal. But I just really really REALLY don't want that to happen...who does I guess.
Today is just a blah day. I woke up even more exhausted today, and then the spotting incident... Hopefully I'll be back to my more chipper self soon. :)
I'm just going to cry out to God that He remind me as necessary that He is totally in control and that He totally knows what is going on. I have never been this worried or fearful about anything in my whole life! So, this has to change. Or soften. Or something. Please Jesus, make everything be ok.
Tomorrow is a new day...