Somebody give me an AMEN!

I would like to thank all of you for your emotional support throughout this first trimester. haha... sorry for the emotional breakdowns and repeated blogs about how tired I was. But I have good news, and I have bad news...

GOOD NEWS: I am out of the first trimester!! Yee-haw! (how Texan of me) So, although I don't have the rush of energy I was expecting on my first day out of this period, I do feel much better. But I also could possibly be missing the rush of energy due to the fact that I caught some nasty mean stomach bug that wiped me out of commission for awhile. I couldn't even go to my friend's wedding! Her wedding!!! I hate missing close friend's weddings! But, back to the good news, I am out of the first trimester!

BAD NEWS: you will have to continue to endure the emotional breakdowns. For some reason, I am like 10 million times more emotional now. I mean, literally, as I am typing these words, tears are streaming down my face. Why? I don't know! Possibly because I just read a very honest blog on Simri's page. Possibly because I miss my freaking husband and can't wait to see him tomorrow. Possibly because now everything makes me cry. I have NO idea! And if it was just the pretty teary cry, it wouldn't be so bad. But this is the mascara running, red-faced, stomach in knots because you are sobbing type of cry. geez... and I guess I just feel the safest around Wes, so when he's home it gets much worse. haha...poor thing. (sigh...) This is out of control.

Well there you have it. That is where I am. But I am SO glad to be done with that frist trimester (smile)

Losing a mother

Today I found out that my friend Kayla's mother died on Sunday in a motorcycle accident. I know SO many people now who live every day without their mom. Some are younger, some are older, but they all live every day with out their mother. I know this is something that almost everyone will go through at some point in their lives...but I literally thought my heart would stop beating when my grandmother died, so this... I cannot even fathom. I think God gives us some sort of special kind of angels during times like that. The kind that buffer you a little more than usual to the harshness of the world. Anyway, to think of all of that, and to think that I'm going to be a mom...technically I guess I am a mom. It's just a totally different perspective...maybe a little deeper perspective.

God please be with Kayla and her sweet family during this time. And to all the rest of those who have lost their mothers too.

Bringing Home Baby

Are you people watching this show on TLC? I think I may have talked about it before on this place, but I'm slowly becoming addicted to this show. This is the one where they film the first 36 hours after you bring home your baby for the first time from the hospital. At first this show really scared me...it seemed to me that I was only catching the episodes where every possible thing could go wrong. But the more (and more and more and more) I watch it, the more I LOVE it! I mean, it really has helped me think of that time and maybe be a little more prepared than I otherwise would have. And every show talks about the importance of a support system and all of that, and I think my support system is going to be amazing...you know, Christmas time, lots of family, most of everyone is in a good mood! So, thank you TLC for not giving up on me! haha... even when I didn't want you to, you kept playing that show! Who says tv rots your brain?!

A heartbeat

Today I went in for my first pregnancy check up. It started off with my doctor getting this little handheld device and putting it on my abdomen and moving it around. All I could hear for what seemed like an eternity was noise that sounded like the wind on the ocean. My heart just sank. I was getting so nervous. Now, in reality, it was probably only a few seconds of this noise, but I just was feeling like something might be wrong... finally I heard it. It was the sweetest sound I have ever heard. A heartbeat... A baby's heartbeat. It was slightly strange, I must say, to hear a heartbeat coming from my stomach...haha... but I LOVED it! It was just 100% fantastic!

Everything was perfect! The heartbeat was strong, my uterus size was textbook perfect, and my pelvic bones are exactly the right shape and size for a hopeful flawless vaginal delivery. All good news!

The only thing that a little different was my blood type. I'm A- and I never knew that before. So, all that means is towards about half way through (or something) I'll be getting an injection that will smooth things over, just in case the baby's blood is positive and it mixes with my blood within me during delivery...or something...haha...

I also got the bill for what it will cost from my doctor and I was pleasantly surprised! I don't know what I was thinking it would be, but it was way better than I had assumed. And I absolutely love my doctor and his nurses so I'm very excited about going through this process with them.

So, I guess the next step is to wait to feel the baby move in about a month or so. How weird!

Thank you God for allowing everything to go so well so far!

"You're only 12 weeks and you're already spreading out!"

Let me just have a venting moment...and a moment of self reflection.

I was telling a mom today that I was pregnant but that I hated this stage because none of my clothes fit right and by body just feels like it is spreading out. No, it literally is spreading out...I'm even measuring different and I haven't gained weight! Anyways, she then says, "You're only 12 weeks and you're already spreading out! Girl I didn't look a thing different until I was 5 months along!"

Well, thank you for that mom. Thank you for, instead of trying to be empathetic (we were in a COUNSELING class by the way...we are ALL in that class because we all want to be COUNSELORS...to HELP people...) she decides to just tell me what happened to her. And I am very happy for her that she didn't look or feel one bit different until 5 months along, but come on! Give me a break! Do you really have to say something like that to a female that is talking about her body image? No, I don't think you do.

So, I am choosing to use this a teachable moment for myself. I am going to do my best to always choose my words carefully...in every situation...especially when someone is being vulnerable and talking about a sensitive issue, whether I can relate to it or not. So, thank you to you counselor friend mom. Thank you for reminding me of that valuable lesson.

Everyone can't love everything...right?

So lately I've been doing some pregnancy readings and watching some pregnancy shows. I don't think I have an easy gag reflex and I don't get grossed out that easily either. HOWEVER! There are some things I have learned...which are natural, and I'm not saying there is anything wrong with them...but I think they are gross. And you can't tell me that every pregnant woman thinks every single part of every single phase is just this beautiful glorious thing! But even if that's true, I am not afraid to stand alone!

1. the fetus will swallow amniotic fluid and then urinate, by the end, a lot of the amniotic fluid is urine- SICK

2. the baby will form a waxy substance on their body to protect them from the fluid (miraculous I KNOW OK!)- still SICK

3. when they come out and they are all bloody and creamy and sticky the doctors just plop that baby on top of you all gross and stuff- SICK

Now, feel free to judge. But those are my true feelings :)

Summertime!

As of yesterday, I am 11 weeks along! WHOO HOO! (sorry Kel...Wes has the camera, so it'll be a few weeks until I get another picture up.) Even though I'm nearing the end of the First Trimester, I'm still not feeling better in the morning. I don't think it qualifies as morning sickness, but maybe it does. It's hard to eat breakfast just because my stomach is unsettled. I don't feel like I'm going to throw up, but I do feel like my stomach is hurting a little bit. Hopefully that will all magically go away when I get to the Second Trimester. And people keep telling me...over and over again...that this Second Trimester is a magical time so they better be right! haha...

So I have been savoring every single summer day! Some teachers are bored out of their minds in the summer. I am not. Some teachers get summer jobs. I should, but I do not. Some teachers complain that summers are too long and students will forget what they learned. I do not. I LOVE SUMMER! So I make the most of every lazy summer day. I visit friends, I lay around, I clean house, I go to the pool, I go to the park, and I really want to start volunteer somewhere. I LOVE SUMMER!

My graduate school classes start next week, which reminds me that I need to order books. It is a beating how much they charge for college textbooks at the bookstore... so I just look at every place possible online and order them from there, as I'm sure most people do now. I'll be taking theories/methods of counseling and career counseling/guidance. So, if any of you need help in any of those areas, talk to me at the end of the summer (smile).

So...you're adopted...

Well, yes I am. Yesterday I had my medical history check-up/blood test day at the doctor. Basically it was short and sweet. I do have sad little veins that barely show up on my left arm, so blood always gets taken from my right arm.

So after the bleeding part, I went into the office and sat down with the precious nurse, Judy. She asked me a long list of questions, all, and I mean ALL to which I had absolutely no answer for. You see, I was born in the 80s...haha... so I don't have much info. Really I think it was more because I was born from a 17 year old that just probably didn't know much about her medical history. You could look at it like, "oh, the entire medical history isn't there because they were the pictures of perfect health" or, "yeah, she probably just didn't know much." But that's ok. I've been happy and healthy so far, so surely that will continue on with my child.

I have this form sitting by the computer next to me. I think this form has literally been sitting here for almost 2 years now. It's a form that you can fill out, send in to the state of Texas, they keep in on file for 99 years, and if anyone whether it be a parent or sibling, sends in their form looking for you, there is a possiblity of making a match. I have never sent in the form. I see there are two sides to it. There is the side that would be awesome to know some sort of history of my birth parents, and then there is the side that it might not be awesome to know some sort of history of my birth parents. :) But that is the beauty of being adopted they way I was adopted. I can choose to send in the form, or I can choose not to send in the form. (knowing full well that someone else has to send in the form on the other side...) I don't know. I don't feel it's a pressing issue at the moment, so the form will remain right here, next to this computer for safe keeping.

All is well with Mini Martin as far as I can tell! We made our first debut in our bathing suit yesterday! haha...it was with my dear friends Sarah and Jennifer. What a fun day. :)

10 Weeks Picture

Well, here it is. My 10 week picture. Do you see what I mean when I say I don't look pregnant but my grapefruit sized uterus is starting to push my pocket of fat out?? That's really neat. But, it comes with the territory I suppose :)

I bought a bathing suit today. That was also really neat. After some near tears experiences I snapped out of it and I was like, "listen sister! the only people that will see you in this thing won't judge you, nor should it even matter! buy the dang thing and let's get the heck out of here!" So, after my self peptalk, I bought it and I left. Mini Martin, I will do whatever I can to help you not have self image nastiness to deal with. God bless this baby.